So I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m a crier. Why god made me this way, I’ll never know. But it’s the only way my body knows how react to anything. It’s the WORST thing ever. Do any of you know my pain? I know I’m not the only one like this. Well, at least I hope not! Anyhow, I know that some things my body chooses to react to with a cry are pretty stupid. No, really stupid. It’s super annoying. So I’m not going to tell you how to not cry, (plus, I’ve googled that nod nothing really helps except to just grow a pair) so I’m going to tell you how to cry about everything, since that seems to be my hidden talent.
1. After an accidental fart
So when my boyfriend and I first started dating, and I mean like we didn’t even call each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet, I let one slip. We were at my house and he was tickling me and I was laughing and begging him to stop because I knew something tragic was about to happen. He kept tickling and then it slipped out. It wasn’t like a really long drawn out fart but it was a nice average fart. He stopped tickling me and looked at me, ” You farted!” Kill. Me. Now. I was so embarrassed!! Girls don’t fart out anything but rainbows! So as a reaction, I covered my face and started crying. Good one Allison.
2. Someone attempts to fight you
I mentioned this one in my tips on how to survive the pit, but I’m going to say it again here because it applies. We went to a country concert and we had pit tickets for the first time ever. I got a little drunky-pants and started panicking about all the people touching me. This one dude was just rubbing up on me so I said, “Please stop touching me, for just one minute.” His girlfriend leans over and yells at me, “You’re in the f-ing pit! Get over it!” And in that moment I thought for sure she was getting ready to punch me in my face. I started hyper-ventilating and crying to the boyfriend as my defense mechanism. And what do you know, she even apologized to me for yelling at me. Ha!
3. Meetings at work
I hate talking to my boss one on one. I can rattle off my ideas and opinions with the group, no problem. But as soon as it becomes that one on one conversation, my eyes start to well up with tears! What the hell is that about? Only once out of the 10 times this has happened, have the tears actually started flowing. And after that time I got a raise, so who knows, maybe that worked out for me!? But I really have no idea. I mean, the last conversation that made me tear up was a conversation in which my boss asked me what I was liking about my job! I mean, are you serious! Why on Earth should that ever trigger a cry?! Why!?
4. Saying I love you
And no, this is not a sentimental thing, like I said I love you to someone for the first time like in the movies. It was another time the boyfriend was tickling me (whoa, sensing a theme here), and a body part randomly flailed and slammed into the wall. The boyfriend then said, “Whoa! I did not do that!” And I said, “It’s okay, I still love you, you little shit.” Then he looked at me and said, “What! What did you just say?” And then I realized what I said. Cue water works! I was so embarrassed. We hadn’t said the L word to each other yet, and I completely let it slip! I was trying so hard to not say it for so long, and then it just slipped out. I was shocked, scared, and totally embarrassed. So I cried about it. Duh.
Every movie. No matter the genre. I cry. Have to. It’s the only way my body knows how to have any kind of emotion. I cry for cartoons, action movies, comedies, drama, you name it. Fast and Furious, Finding Nemo, Hot Pursuit, pretty much everything. There’s always that one soft spot in the movie that things have to come to a close, and the music hits me just right. Boom. I’m holding back tears.
6. Then there’s your normal crying emotions
Happy, sad, angry. Those are all obvious qualifiers for the tears. Probably a little too easy of triggers for me, but it still happens. The slightest sadness, a touch of anger, and an overwhelming happiness. It all gets me. When I’m happy for others, when the boyfriend does something nice, and then when something upsets me, I have to have a difficult conversation, or something just makes me mad. But these are pretty normal triggers for the tears right?
Then there’s that perfect recipe of cocktails that turns it into a hot mess of a night. The tears just flow and flow and flow. For no reason. I was drunk, having a fantastic night, and then BOOM, it hits me wrong and I start uncontrollably sobbing. And I’m the ugliest crier. Ever. The last drunk cry I had was because we were all yelling and being stupidly loud all the way back to our hotel room and then security knocked on the door and the boyfriend told me I had to be quiet after he left. I actually started crying because I was told to be quiet. Like a freaking four year old. Awesome.
So, that’s about it in a nut shell. I cry. It’s gotta be some form of a talent right? I just can’t help it. I try everything all the time to get it to stop. Nothing works, so I guess I will just continue living my life like a crybaby. Until then, happy crying!